Know What Bugs Me? TV Commercials

Have you noticed how the networks discriminate when it comes to advertisements? My channel shows boring, depressing ones while the children's station comes out with ones that excite the senses. 

Here's how it goes. On the exciting network, the first commercial shows a trailer of the new Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Turtles stand upright, kicking and chopping the enemy, saving the day. 

My channel shows a commercial for OAB (overactive bladder.) A woman's bladder calls the shots. Poor thing. Her bladder insists she hunt for a bathroom, causing her to miss her grandson's home run. This is followed by a commercial where women confess, yes, sisters, they confess a whopping ninety percent of them aren't making healthy eating choices! What is the world coming to? No worries, gals. Eat that bag of chips. Have a sugary soda. One pill, a multi-vitamin, will fix everything!

Over on the children's station stimulating music plays as kids slip gummy rings on their fingers. The bright colors and activity are electrifying.

Back on the old people's channel, there's a grandpa who huffs and puffs because of COPD.

The kids channel shows the newest Civil war gear from Captain America , and a disc that transforms into a ball mid-pitch. Neat! Children drink an organic beverage from a pouch. No artificial colors, flavors, preservatives or high fructose corn syrup. The kids are wild for it. 

On my channel I'm subjected to the commercial where a man's bowels are so locked up he can think of nothing else, a woman has fallen and can't get up and lawyers are encouraging us to sue somebody for something. In another a man comes out, his gorilla arms covered with fur because of a reaction to his medicine. But at least his blood pressure is down.

Meanwhile, the children's station goes straight into an advertisement about Shopkins, thimble sized figures with exciting names.! There's Peta plant who holds a spade while a flowering plant grows from her head. And Milk Bud with a face and paws like a dog who never cries when she spills herself. 

These toys are great. The commercial makes me want to start collecting them. I'd buy Secret Sally first, a diary with a face and feet. She promises not to divulge your secrets and loves to talk about old times. Great.

As her companion, I'd get Hot Choc, a pink cup with a kitten's face and paws. They'd be perfect buddies to my journal and chamomile tea at night. In fact, I think I'll head on over to Toys R Us right now. I've got some living to do.